Gradual Changes

Today I am in a thoughtful mood.  I wouldn't say I am upset, or overly happy, just thoughtful.  I was upset this morning when I weighed myself for the first time since I left for vacation.  Do you want to know how much weight I gained while I visited my family?  Six pounds.  Yup.  I am frustrated and unhappy that it is so EASY to gain the weight back, when it took me so long to lose it in the first place.  I am frustrated because it is so easy for my mindset to change so easily.  I went from saying no to most everything that is bad, to eating a fry here, two or three desserts there, and so on.  And, it wasn't something that just happened over vacation.  This has been happening for a few months now, hence the 10 pounds I have now gained since August.  My husband and I were discussing this last night.  I told him that it wasn't like I just sat down one day and decided to eat 5 hambergers, 2 frosties, 1 serving of fries, 3 refills of soda, 5 donuts, 10 cookies.  It was a gradual thing.  I slowly started letting myself eat what I would consider as not horrible foods, but not nutritionally dense foods either.  Slowly it became a dessert every day thing, when at the beginning of this year, I was maybe eating dessert once a week, maybe.  Its been a very gradual downhill slide.  My husband compared this to getting into debt (this is how my husband thinks.  Isn't he wonderful? :) - Most people don't just go out and buy a big screen tv every single day and that's how they get into debt.  Its more subtle than that.  You start buying extra at the store everytime you go, you know something a little extra, and every time you do it, the action becomes easier to rationalize, and easier to get away with.  That's how things happen, and before you know it you realize what you've done, and it just makes you sick, and you wonder how or why it happened. 

So, I need to do some personal digging this week and figure out the why it happened.  I know the how.  That's simple.  I just need to completely understand the why.  I partly know why, but I want to get down to the nitty and gritty of it, so I can change and get better.  Its going to be hard to change, especially during this holiday season, but it is possible.