A Four!

While we were in South Carolina I wanted to go shopping because I want pants that fit me, not that hang on me (I know, its a good problem to have).  I've been wairing 8's pretty comfortably, but they are a little loose.  Anyhow, so started my mini "shopping spree"-consisting mostly of clearence-rack-shopping at Marshells, Ross, and JC Penny.  I'm sorry, I just don't want to spend 25 dollars on capris.  So, I first grabbed some sixes and eights, and tried on the sixes.  They were actually a bit loose!  So, then I was like, well, if the sixes are loose, maybe fours will fit????????  I hurriedly put my clothes back on and searched through the racks for size four capris, and almost ran back to the fitting rooms.  Fours fit like a glove.  It was a wonderful feeling.  Never in my ENTIRE LIFE have I been that small!  I even tried on a pair of twos for the heck of it, and I could pull them up and close them, although they were a little too tight for comfort.  But still, I was on cloud nine!  Do you know what this means?  I went from a size SIXTEEN to a size FOUR.  WOW.  That put my body-dismorphia in check for a little while. Yes, I do struggle with thinking of myself as the heavier girl.  I was that for so much of my life, that I still think that I am, even though I know I'm not.  Its hard to get away from that idea.  I look at some girls and think, man if my tummy was like that, or if I had skinnier arms like her?  Although thoughts like that are bound to appear in my head, its nice to have times like this that remind me that I am okay.  That is part of what we are hear to do on this earth- to learn to control our bodys. My body is here for my spirit to learn to control.  My body is a tool for me to accomplish great things in my life.  That helps me be healthy because I need to keep my body strong and healthy for whatever comes my way.

Anyhow, I was so excited about this, and wanted to share my accomplishment! This has really helped me realize the work I had done, and how far I had come.  I did not start this for the numbers per se, I started this journey to be healthy, and going down to a size four is just a major plus.  I felt so great on Monday.  Hopefully this will remind me during the times when I don't like my body for some reason or another, that I have worked hard and I am healthy.  Its a great place to be at.