I can do anything...
I want to do.
At least that is what some say. The last few weeks have been difficult as far as my weight loss is concerned. I have not lost much. I don't know what it is. I don't think I am eating more than I should. I have upped my my workouts. I am hoping that I have a good number this week.
You know, I really did not want to say this because of my shame, I guess, but I just had a little break through, I think. When I wrote the title to this post I know why I chose to say that some believe I can do anything I want to do. And, here I am again tearing up when I just said that. I think that throughout my life there have instances where I hard worked hard, or at least what I though was hard, to achieve a goal, to become part of a group or program that would let me do something I love to do, but when I get to that moment of being tested I was told that I just wasn't good enough. They always told me that I was pretty good, but just not good enough. GOSH! Why do people tell that to others? The last five or six years I have believed about certain things that I have just not been good enough, or worthy to be what I want to be. Ultimitely, I don't regret where I am today, today because I have I husband and daughter who I love so much. I look back and even understand why some of these things happened. I neede to learn from them. I guess I needed to have this moment I am having right now, these feelings I needed to confront. Those things happened so that I could be where I am today. I am stronger now then I have ever been. But, I need to believe that I can do ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING that I set my mind to. Before I can believe that I need to ignore all of the "You can't do that", or "your not good enough", or the "I will never be able to do that"s, or any negative thing that has gone through my mind the last few years, or really my whole life. I need to ignore that boy who told me when I was in second grade that I was fat. Because, I believed him. I did. And, I hate that I did. I need to ignore the basketball coach who said I was barely not good enough. I need to ignore the piano professor who said that I was not exactly what they needed in the program. I need to believe my husband. I need to believe that I can do it. I CAN DO ANYTHING I set my mind to. So, now, what should I set my mind to?????
I need a fitness goal. I know what my weightloss goal is. I know the number. I might not lose by the date I set but I will lose all the weight I need to. I will. I need a fitness goal. Should it be hours worked out during the week? Should it be pounds able to lift? Because of the cold its hard to do something outside because I have the baby, as it is hard to go to a gym because the closest one is 45 minutes away, and I don't think they have a daycare center. So, what can I do at home? Should i try for a goal anyway. I am hopefully going to get a bike for my b-day or Christams (I have hinted heavily to the hubby) and then I will start training for a triathlon for next spring. Any suggestions???? I can do anything. Maybe I should run a marathon like the biggest loser contestants. They did, so why can't I? There is infinite possibilities, I just have to figure out which one I want to do.
Okay, my daily report:
I ate pretty well, for breakfast, lunch, and snack. I had a dinner group thing this evening, so I don't know exactly how many calories I had, but I did not have seconds, so that is good. I also worked out for 2 hours today and was on my feet all day. So, workout wise I did a lot better. I still need to get better at the eating thing. Its hard to count calories durnig the day. I am trying to stay good on the servings. Anyway, enough of my jabbering, and sorry for the long posts. This is so theraputic for me though!
At least that is what some say. The last few weeks have been difficult as far as my weight loss is concerned. I have not lost much. I don't know what it is. I don't think I am eating more than I should. I have upped my my workouts. I am hoping that I have a good number this week.
You know, I really did not want to say this because of my shame, I guess, but I just had a little break through, I think. When I wrote the title to this post I know why I chose to say that some believe I can do anything I want to do. And, here I am again tearing up when I just said that. I think that throughout my life there have instances where I hard worked hard, or at least what I though was hard, to achieve a goal, to become part of a group or program that would let me do something I love to do, but when I get to that moment of being tested I was told that I just wasn't good enough. They always told me that I was pretty good, but just not good enough. GOSH! Why do people tell that to others? The last five or six years I have believed about certain things that I have just not been good enough, or worthy to be what I want to be. Ultimitely, I don't regret where I am today, today because I have I husband and daughter who I love so much. I look back and even understand why some of these things happened. I neede to learn from them. I guess I needed to have this moment I am having right now, these feelings I needed to confront. Those things happened so that I could be where I am today. I am stronger now then I have ever been. But, I need to believe that I can do ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING that I set my mind to. Before I can believe that I need to ignore all of the "You can't do that", or "your not good enough", or the "I will never be able to do that"s, or any negative thing that has gone through my mind the last few years, or really my whole life. I need to ignore that boy who told me when I was in second grade that I was fat. Because, I believed him. I did. And, I hate that I did. I need to ignore the basketball coach who said I was barely not good enough. I need to ignore the piano professor who said that I was not exactly what they needed in the program. I need to believe my husband. I need to believe that I can do it. I CAN DO ANYTHING I set my mind to. So, now, what should I set my mind to?????
I need a fitness goal. I know what my weightloss goal is. I know the number. I might not lose by the date I set but I will lose all the weight I need to. I will. I need a fitness goal. Should it be hours worked out during the week? Should it be pounds able to lift? Because of the cold its hard to do something outside because I have the baby, as it is hard to go to a gym because the closest one is 45 minutes away, and I don't think they have a daycare center. So, what can I do at home? Should i try for a goal anyway. I am hopefully going to get a bike for my b-day or Christams (I have hinted heavily to the hubby) and then I will start training for a triathlon for next spring. Any suggestions???? I can do anything. Maybe I should run a marathon like the biggest loser contestants. They did, so why can't I? There is infinite possibilities, I just have to figure out which one I want to do.
Okay, my daily report:
I ate pretty well, for breakfast, lunch, and snack. I had a dinner group thing this evening, so I don't know exactly how many calories I had, but I did not have seconds, so that is good. I also worked out for 2 hours today and was on my feet all day. So, workout wise I did a lot better. I still need to get better at the eating thing. Its hard to count calories durnig the day. I am trying to stay good on the servings. Anyway, enough of my jabbering, and sorry for the long posts. This is so theraputic for me though!
Comments