Melt Down

Last night I had one of those "Why did I have to eat that extra piece of cake? Why does my stomach have to hurt from EVERYTHING I eat?" kind of meltdowns. Why would I let something so trivial get in my way? For most of my life I have struggled with my digestive system-the kind of put-your-dukes-up-struggle. I have always just eaten what I wanted and then paid for it-immediately afterword in the form of stomach cramps (and other unpleasentness the digestive system likes to make you do), and for years to come in the form of unwanted pounds. This last year has been somewhat of a breakthrough. I have changed my eating habits to the point where I could go the day without feeling any cramps (which is kind of weird, when you are used to it your whole life), and it has been wonderful, until a couple of months ago I decided that it would be super fun to start baking again (my love-hate relationship coming into play). Every weekend is filled with fun baking-wondering how the cookies are going to turn out- and by the end of every weekend my tummy is filled with cramps and yuckiness. I just got so upset last night that I love baking but it hurts my body, every time without fail. So, guilty pleasure really takes on a lot of meaning for me. It really is a guilty pleasure, seriously. But I still eat what I bake, because it tastes good, and that is one reason I bake, so that I can taste it. But, why do I HAVE to eat that extra piece of cake? Why do I HAVE to eat that tenth cookie for the day? Weekends I have less control. Weekdays I am a calorie-counting, no-saying fiend, but once the weekend hits I wonder what I am going to bake, and the calorie-counting kind of goes out the window (I still try and stay good for my meals, but have desserts for snacks). When I am talking about this it seems so silly, because what I bake would be termed as "healthyish baking" because I lower the sugar contents, I use applesauce or yogurt instead of oil, so really they aren't that bad-hey if you are going to have sweets, try and make them somewhat good for your body right? Anyhow, I had one of those kind of meltdowns last night. My husband lovingly reasured me that it was just one extra piece of cake-really can't you work that off in an extra hard workout?- and that I am doing great, and even the one extra piece of cake is a healthier choice than what I could have made (I sustituted honey for sugar, applesauce for oil), so really could it be that bad?

The reality-no, I try and make what I bake better for me than it could be, and it is, but there is still the underlying frustration that I have to endure the stomach cramps for something I love so much! Love-hate relationship indeed.

P.S. Hope you all had a good mother's day! Mine was fantastic. My husband made me breakfast AND dinner, as well as cleaned up all of the dishes for the day. It was WONDERFUL!

What is your love-hate relationship? What are the struggles you have that give you meltdowns?